Meet Carmela Fleury, co-founder of Mother Wild
“All good things are wild and free.” -Henry David Thoreau
There was a moment nine years ago when things shifted for Carmela. She was in the car with her husband. It was raining and the inclement weather was reflected in her emotions. In short, she was a weeping mess. What am I putting off in the name of motherhood, she reflected.
“There used to be a woman in here that you fell in love with and I think she’s still in there,” she told her husband.
Carmela, known for her community-building prowess, was at a point where she felt rather alone. A recent transplant to Japan she was yet to build up her network and her brutiful transition to motherhood had left her lost as to what came next and where her dreams fit in the whole scenario. And while permission is never needed to follow our path, he said the words that she needed to hear.
“I don’t want you to feel like a shadow of yourself. Do what you need to do. We’ll figure it out.”
She did just that.
Early roots as a global nomad
Currently based between Japan and Thailand, Carmela is no stranger to moving.
Born in Paris, her family relocated to Madrid when she was still a baby. After that it was back to Paris then onwards to Vienna, before landing in Rome when she was eight years old. Until then she hadn’t spoken English.
That soon changed as she was thrust into the International school system. It was through the school that she landed a role in “The Godfather III.” She was surrounded by movie stars like Al Pacino, Sofia Coppola, Diane Keaton and Andy Garcia for a month, for her two-minute debut in the movie. In the era of pre-digital photos her mom's camera film of her with the famous cast was lost but the memory lives on, on the silver screen.
Looking back Carmela never thought the moves were as hard as everyone around her told her they would be.
“With a move, if the mother is settled then the kids are settled. We’re the products of our parents,” said Carmela.
Finding a pivotal mentor
After spending her high school years in Brussels she applied for Tufts College in Boston wanting to study International Relations. After some convincing from her family she decided on engineering instead, a choice that had both its blessings and challenges.
She was one of the few girls in the program and the first year had her failing in everything. It was time to change back to her original plan and go back to Liberal Arts. She needed a signature from the Dean of Engineering to transfer and the Dean had other plans. She refused to sign the transfer papers, she believed Carmela could stick to engineering, at least for one more semester.
“I was so inspired by her. She was my Hillary Clinton in that way,” recalls Carmela. “She was a determined career woman with so much happening, a divorce and breast cancer, but she was a motherly presence to me and showed me a feminine way of being a woman in power.”
Carmela buckled down and ended up graduating with a Bachelor of Science in Engineering with honors.
More than two decades later she still sends the Dean a gift every Mother’s Day. Something that will come as no surprise to those who know Carmela and her generosity.
From snowboard bum to entrepreneur
After graduating college she became a snowboard bum in Mammoth, California working in a coffee shop while competing in snowboarding competitions and she was sponsored by Salomon. She credits her always just showing up as the reason she landed and kept the sponsorship. This principle of just showing up, whether you're feeling good or bad, is something that has trickled into all aspects of her life and Mother Wild’s core philosophy.
Her time on the slopes planted the seed for the next decade that had her working at Burton Snowboards in Austria, starting her own cosmetic company for women in action sports, and creating a community of women in board sports.
The lifelong learner studied at the Stockholm School of Entrepreneurship before launching LES ETTES which she ran for five years. It was never the product that excited her; it was getting out there and meeting phenomenal women and building authentic connections.
Carmela founded Women in Action Sports in 2009 alongside Daniela Meyer. Now rebranded as Women in Action Sports Networks the organization continues to support, educate, and inspire women in the industry.
Carmela continues to do the same, but with her focus firmly placed on mothers.
All roads lead to Tasha
In Japanese a Shinto Shrine is known as “Taisha.” On one of Carmela’s pilgrimages, along the ancient Kumano Kodo, she ended her hike at a grand shrine noting that “all roads lead to Tasha.”
In her case they have. Carmela credits another of Mother Wild’s co-founders, Tasha Miller, with why she’s doing what she does today.
After meeting life coach Anna Kunnecke at a networking event in Tokyo, Carmela signed up for Martha Beck’s Wayfinder life coach training and set out on a career rooted in guiding and helping others. While she coached a range of people after completing the certification she was drawn to group coaching.
“There’s a wisdom that comes through with a group that one person can’t hold alone,” Carmela reflected.
She offered her first mother-focused course in Tokyo and got one sign up. Tasha. She was going to pull the plug but Tasha still wanted to move ahead. So they did.
“Tasha was the guiding light,” said Carmela.
Following on from that more workshops, courses and retreats were launched all with mothers in mind.
“There’s a synergy with mothers. It felt effortless and I was living through it alongside them.”
What am I putting off in the name of motherhood?
Carmela likes to share an image with the mothers she works with. It’s a solemn face peering out between bars with hands firmly gripping the cold metal. The next photo is taken from further back. In this accompanying shot we can see that it’s the woman that’s holding up her own bars and she’s not really trapped. She’s the one that is keeping herself in place.
Following that moment in the car with her husband. Carmela laid down the bars. She asked herself one pivotal question: “What am I putting off in the name of motherhood?”
While the transition to making sure her cup was full too hasn’t always been smooth as her husband put it, they’ve made it work. Making sure that her needs, his needs, and the kids needs are considered.
Since that moment she has followed her path. She has walked the Camino De Santiago, an epic pilgrimage trail in Spain, and its sister trail in Japan, the Kumano. She went to South America to try Ayahuasca. She immersed herself in the wilds of New Zealand’s native bush to visionquest (to name a few adventures).
She has continued to build community through running retreats and courses for mothers, one of which Mother Wild was born out of.
“Every trip I have hermitted on has brought me closer to my truth.”
This is something that she wants for all mothers.
“I want to see women living in their full existence and not staying stuck and stifled.”
The woman that she first felt she lost through motherhood has instead evolved and become a richer, deeper version in the most beautiful and challenging ways. Growth after all happens when we push the edges of what we think is possible and motherhood is one of the greatest edge pushers of them all.
While there is no one correct path and we each need to find a way that allows us to feel like our authentic selves in our own unique situations, there is one thing I know for sure. That famous Carl Jung quote that Carmela likes to refer to: “The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents,” is one that does not refer to her.
